Sorry for the absence for a whole month. I have no other excuse thany my laziness. Please don’t beat me too hard.
During the last month a lot of thing happened. I quited my job and moved back to home...(It evitably conducted the endless quarrels and conciliations betweem me and my mom) in order to find another one. My most autonomous sister told us she had a boyfriend and planed to marry.. The wedding is due on next week.. As you can see, it is really a turmoil to prepart a wedding in so short a time. To acquaint with the man’s family, to find an apartment to move in, to prepare the wedding party (this means one most retrieve old and long-time-no-see friends/relatives. An act I hate most.)
However, there is still some good news. I brought a new notebook, which enable me to get an easier online talk..An function which I seldomly use.
(This photo was taken when I chated with my university classmate. She is a beauty...so you can see my eyes became little and horny. Well...this always happens)
Life, in one pole, is the most superficial agglomeration of vanity. Joy out of meaningless crowding, some nonsense bullshits with friends, or the sudden pleasure of being a celebrity.
On the other side, it contains the most profound sobriety of limitation. Personal flaws, fated obstacles or useless struggle. Which one should human reside on? I love beautiful girls, sometimes for personal lusts, sometimes not. I hate my weakness, but I also make room for it to grow. I love poetry, piano and sculpture, but I tell people I am inaesthetic when I read books on aesthetic. I say I work hard and in fact I don’t. I hide my secret deep and bite my lip to struggle. I know banality, but I can’t say it is right or wrong, I pollute myself for better purification, or vice versa. I believe God, but still obsess with my own eyes. I come here in order to know more people from different countrys here with their stories, but here people with life and don’t pour themselves.
I am a creep, but it is still hard to creep into life or human, to creep into the past or future.
The countdown started. I need to take an operation and try to be a new person, or a somewhat normal person. Even now, I still not sure what kind of impats that a disabled body bring to me.Am I normal or abnormal? Am I right or wrong? To be disabled is a small trivality in my life or a major injory that change my fate? There are my consideration, but I can't answer.
It is a somewhat dull uploading, which I fear may not fix to the mainstream in DB.
Recently, I got some plans for myself. It is not a research plan, but an attempt to extend my horizon on poetry. Chiefly, I will focus on postwar English poetry. Some of the poets I will get close look at are Larkin, Heaney, Amis and Auden. Then I will try to find some modern poets whose poems cater for my taste.
First I must admit I am awakawrd in choosing photos. Each time I try to find something to fit what I want to say, I become speechless. I really hope that DB is for word only.
Recently I am browsing the website of Kröller-Müller musuen: http://www.kmm.nl/
I am greatly addicted to the art of sculpture. Hope one day I can be there and visit those sculputre with my own eyes.
Sometimes I wonder if vision become more and more imporrtant in modern life. Scenery, fashion, luxuary, everything concerns with sight. We first enjoy the world by sight, then smell, then touch.
Maybe I am somewhat rebellious. I always hope there will be something, someone I would adhere to without eyes open. If that comes truth, it would be the blissing to my life.
However, the cruelty is this: scene still inspires me, which cannot get rid of.
