4/18/10
tonight was literally a waste of makeup.
haha.
i got called into work early; and left late.
shelby and i went to como for a show and left with a few dudes we knew to look for a party, but they bailed out on us and i just went home.
4/16/10
i'm really channeling my inner taylor momsen today. lol.
evan's funeral went better than i expected. it was so.. catholic. lol.
tonight i'm going to party it up in honor of him.. i know its truly what he would have wanted. :]
tonight will be. the last. night i drink.
4/16/10
i'm really channeling my inner taylor momsen today. lol.
evan's funeral went better than i expected. it was so.. catholic. lol.
tonight i'm going to party it up in honor of him.. i know its truly what he would have wanted. :]
tonight will be. the last. night i drink.
4/13/10
well, i went to evan's visitation. i didn't bawl my eyes out, like i thought i would. but don't worry, tomorrow is the funeral. lol.
i also have work tomorrow, from four to nine. /:
but after that, i'm going to a party at the basement!
ohmygosh, soooo many boys like me right now.
collin, ace, and cory! okay, its only 3. but its a lot too handle! lol.
they're all gonna be at the same party tomorrow.. i hope everything goes smoothly. or this could all blow up in my face.
i'm pretty my dread ex will be there too. D:
this time, i won't be smashed. hahaaaaa.
hello.
its been a while, hasn't it?
i can tell you whole heartedly that the reason i stopped posting was because i got my heart broken by the first boy i ever loved. and looking back at the pictures just hurt me too fucking much. so i stopped posting.
but now, i can fully say that i am over him, that i hope he's happy with his new girlfriend, that i still hate him for taking every little piece of me, and giving nothing back.
since i posted last:
-i was kicked out of the house [when dick is there]
-a mutual friend of mine died of a heroin overdose. [who? trent jonesss. haaa.]
-i had the best fucking spring break ever.
-i reinvented my life plan. [tell you about it tomorrow.]
-a boy i worked with died. his name is evan schaffer; he died in the passengar seat of his best friend's drunk driving.
olivia sandlin said something to me the other day, [actually she wrote it on her tumblr, but it was to/about me] that really hit me like a sack full of bricks.
this is what she said:
"Their choice is their own and I respect that. I’ve just come such a long way. I feel almost guilty, I wish I could share my luck. Especially with Lexi. Especially Lexi.
And another thing; I learned that two other significant others have passed. Drunk driving. Does this tie in for you?… whoever you may be. Nobody ever believes it could happen to them. They’re untouchable. WELL IT CAN, AND IT WILL IF YOU CONTINUE TO DRINK AND DRIVE, DO DRUGS, BE STUPID. Please, for your own sake have some common sense. Whoever is reading this, someone cares for you. Someone loves you. You are practically spitting in their face when you put your own life at risk. Please realize. Open your eyes."
saturday night, i held back my best friend's hair as she puked into the toilet. she made me promise, swear, that we would become better people. that we would never smoke, or drink, or continue living how we are.
but she didn't change at all. the next day, when i told her what she had said, she laughed. LAUGHED.
well, i'm done.
i want to be a better person, for those people who love me now, and those who will love me in the future.
i have not smoked pot since monday ["whoop dee doo. its only wednesday, right? it's been two days." no, if you're thinking that, then you have no fucking clue.]
and after this weekend, i'm never drinking again.
i don't know how long this "straight edge" will last. but i know i can do it.
