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"You take the blue pill – the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill – you stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit-hole goes." - Morpheus

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November 17th, 2011
iwillwrite snapped a picture

There was a clock inside you that was ticking without my knowing. It passed with time without my acknowledgement and I sat here oblivious to the fact that in your mind, you were changing things. Like the time we met up at that coffee shop. Something seemed off about you and I asked you what could possibly be wrong. Was I late? Had you had a bad day? Did I do something wrong? Is there something you need to tell me? You shook your head to each question and looked down with weary eyes.

"Just tell me," I begged.

"It's nothing."

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November 17th, 2011
iwillwrite snapped a picture

"Do you ever do this? You think back on all the times you had with someone, replay it in your mind over and over again, and you look for those first signs of trouble." - 500 Days of Summer

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November 17th, 2011
iwillwrite snapped a picture

I'll apologize, but it won't change anything. I'll try my best to fix it, but it'll all just end up broken. I'll do what I can to make this better, but you're only going to think it turned into being a mess. I'll pick up my traces from your life, but my foot prints will stay embedded into your heart. I just wish you'd forgive me. What could it possibly take?

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November 17th, 2011
iwillwrite snapped a picture

I was supposed to be the first desert flower.
I was supposed to be the first wave to crash the shore.
I was supposed to be the first mountain to touch the sky.
I was supposed to be the first to ever step on the moon.

I was supposed to be your first.
I was supposed to be your last.
I was supposed to be your everything.
Your one and only.

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November 17th, 2011
iwillwrite snapped a picture

In reality, you're miles away from me. Endless steps and pockets to empty if I were to ever trek the journey to where you were. You told me you loved me in hushed tones the night we last met. You cowered underneath the shade of the building as if to hide from something-- me, maybe-- because to me, the words seemed almost forced past your lips. I don't know what to think. If any of this could be possible-- to me, it doesn't seem anywhere near.

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November 17th, 2011
iwillwrite snapped a picture

It killed me, really. That you were in his arms instead of mine. I'd watch enviously as he'd say things in your ear that made you smile. I remember how you used to wander this world with me-- tell me all about your restless thoughts and how they'd pester your mind until you spoke of them.

It hurt me to know that you could not be mine. Or that, in truth, I could not be yours. And it wasn't anything particular. You were just a treasure I could not find. You'd travelled for miles to find yourself here and when I first set eyes upon you, something moved within my heart.

There's still an unsettled feeling. One that can't stop.

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November 11th, 2011
iwillwrite snapped a picture

I remember the restless night when I'd watch you sleep. My eyes wanted to close, but my body wouldn't allow them to. I would whisper quiet words in hushed tones beside you as you'd move from side to side in your bed. Why was I here? You'd call me earlier when you said you weren't feeling well. You hadn't drank much this time, but you could hear your mother weeping in her room because of your father's death.

I'd stay awake. I'd whisper quiet things. Things you'd want to hear. I remember your mother opening the door in the middle of the night. I could see her swollen eyes-- how they wandered over towards where I sat, feet from your bed. She then looked towards you-- your sleeping body quietly breathing rhythmically, moving up and down, chest beating. I smiled at her as she smiled back and she silently shut the door and left.

Her pain was not as great as mine.

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November 11th, 2011
iwillwrite snapped a picture

What would it have mean to wish? To wish for someone significant, for a better life, for a happier family, or maybe even to better ourselves. In reality, all we've done is wishful thinking. What was the purpose in closing our eyes and mumbling words in our minds when we saw a shooting star? What was so special about a four leaf clover we'd pick from the ground and wish upon? What was so great about looking towards the clock at exactly 11:11 to clatter our brains to find something we've always wanted? How is there significance in wishing for something when the majority of the time, they never come true? Maybe I'll wish. Wish for someone, something, somewhere. But where will I be in that time?

2 comments
November 11th, 2011
iwillwrite snapped a picture

Hope was an item I grasped in my hand. Something I believed to one day give me what I've always wanted. A back-up of some sort-- something I could rely on if everything else failed. And I needed hope the night I walked to your house. The night I wandered through the woods in darkness just to climb up to your window and wait for you to fall alseep.

I needed hope because I didn't have faith in myself that I could amount to be enough. You told me I was your everything-- but was it only music to my ears? Just a reassurance so you'd have someone to stay when you felt alone? Sometimes I wondered if I would one day leave and you would ask for me to not come back. To never see you again because I have not become what you have wanted me to.

You formed me with each of our experiences. The time I spilled coffee in my lap, you told me to be careful. I was never careful. The time my hands shook when I first sat alone with you in your house while your parents were gone, you told me not to be nervous. I was always nervous. The time I took you out for the first time, you told me to be fearless. I always had fear.

And maybe this whole time, you were only forming me to what you wanted me to be.

5 comments
October 23rd, 2011
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iwillwrite is a 22 year old from somewhere in the universe.

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This is an account I use to write about different things and sometimes post quotes. If you want to talk, just send me a message. I own none of the pictures on this account. Most of them are found on Tumblr. :)

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