So I’ve been meaning to post about this for a while, but I just kept putting it off because I wanted to give this post enough time, I didn’t want to rush it.
This picture of @steenerz and I is one of my absolute favorites, it was taken during the first weekend we spent together at his house. I look back at it and all the memories it brings, and I can’t help but feel happiness. Being his boyfriend was one of the best decisions I ever made in my life. Yes, we aren’t together anymore, but the 11 months that we spent together will forever be some of the happiest of my life, it would be tough for anything to compare. My feelings for him changed to a point where it wasn’t possible for me to stay with him, no matter how much I wanted to. I would much rather have conserved the friendship we have, than try to force something that wasn’t there only to have it ended badly.
That’s not saying that the break up went smoothly, it didn’t, it was very emotional for both of us, but at some level both of us knew it was for the best. We have kept contact since and there are ups and downs, tense moments, and strong words exchanged at times, but we are doing our best to keep our friendship strong. He still is my best friend, the person who knows me better than anyone else, and someone I know I can confide in no matter what. I’d begun to move on with my life, cherishing the memories, but knowing that that’s what they were, happy memories, not something more. I began to talk to an awesome guy who gave me hope to be happy in that way again, and Steen supported me in it. I know it hurt him a lot, and I know some may think that it would have been best for us to just have some space from each other. But that wasn’t possible, trying to distance ourselves just hurt us more. So yeah, he was hurt that I was moving on, but he was still happy for me, and that’s how I know he truly loves me.
Now, I am so happy to say that he has begun to move on as well. He finally met someone who gives him hope for the future, and I am so happy for him. He is the only person I have ever fallen in love with, and I will never wish him anything but the best, because I still do love him, just not romantically. We both know that, I accepted it, and he has begun to accept it. I know he will be as happy or even happier than he was with me one day. He’s an amazing person, I will never deny that, and I will be there for him no matter what, as long as he wants me there.
Thank you so much Steen for being such a huge part of my life, for being the amazing person that you are… I don’t think it’s possible for you to know how much you have impacted my life, but I will always be grateful to you. I love you =]
April 18, 2010- March 18, 2011
