Drinkin' black coffee, black coffee.
Drinkin' black coffee, starin' at the walls.
Black coffee, black coffee, black coffee.
Starin' at the walls, black coffee.
Drinkin' black coffee, drinkin' black coffee.
Applied/Handed a Resume to about 30 places today.
Hoooooollllyyyy shit.
I feel good. Stoked for fat lazy cunt to try and say something about how i should have done more or something.
I can't take this shit anymore.
I'm about to give up.
I'm sick of doing everything I can and getting shit on.
I'm sick of my mother toying with my mental problems.
I'm sick of not knowing where I am in life.
I'm sick of trying so hard to please my mother and clean her house and do everything I can for her, and still getting shit on and treated as if I do nothing at all.
I'm pissed that the past 4 places my mother has bought have not had AC for the summer time.
I'm sick of living 2 hours away from my girlfriend, best friends, and everything that makes me happy.
I want to sit down my father, and my mother, and ask them both one simple question. What makes me them happy? And then when they tell me what makes them happy (because I know what it is) I'm going to allow them to realize that everything that makes them happy, they have. They have people in their lives, they have money, they have places they can go, people they can fucking see and have fun with. They have jobs that they have been at for 20+ years and they feel secure at what they are doing, along with the people they are dating.
Then I want to show them how I live 2 hours away from everything I love and care about, and how I have no place to go, and how I live in a small fucking apartment with my bitch of a mother and a dog that should be put to sleep but instead just pisses all over the house. I'll also show them that I could have my full drivers licence right now, had my fucking mother gotten off her ass to help show me how to drive.
Everything wrong with my life. If my mothers fault. Every single piece of fat on my body is her fault. Every fucking mental disorder I have is her fault. Everything that is wrong with me is her fault. I am not just blaming her to make it simple and say its not my fault. It's my fault for not doing anything to change any of it, sure. But it's her fault for feeding me nothing but mcdonalds for 2 years and getting me so fucking fat, and her fault with the way she talks to me that I'm constantly having anxiety problems, and it's also her fault for being such a fat fucking cow cunt and just sitting on a fucking couch and eating cheesies and not taking me out driving, that I don't drive yet.
Without a car, you are very limited to shitty little jobs around where you live. Where I live sucks massive black cock. There is no work.
So, come Friday... when my mother tells me that if I don't have a job, I'm out on the streets. Fine cunt. But when you start shitting your pants, and get so fat to the point where you cant stand without assitance, or you need to be put in a old folks home, don't fucking look to me for help.
I will love watching you rot in whatever piss filled shithole you are living at the time of your death.
Fuck you always,
Your son. ( you know, that single sperm that was shot into your cunt and made it to the egg over every other sperm cell. The one that ran a race with millions and made it, and now I'm a human being, and you're throwing me to the fucking street like a bag of garbage.)
Shaved my head while listening to Black Flag.
Today is just such a bad ass day.
Hanging out with the beautiful @desiiray later for our 1 year 11 month aniversary. It looks like its going to rain outside, which sucks because I have like 2 hours of train and bus to attend to today.
What are your plans for the weekend?
Convo with a friend:
ME: I hate tim hortons, simply because i cant drink my coffee black there. It's such shit coffee.
Job finding day.
Call all the places.
Apply to all the online jobs.
...Then we wait.
One of the only reasons for doing all of this today is simply because I didn't have food to eat in my apartment. So instead of eating, I'll do this.
It's super fucking hot today. Blasting Die Antwoord because @Scratch posted about how he was listening to them. Made me want to re-listen to the album over and over. Thanks bro.
Pulp Fiction is playing beside me, further making me wish I could have my camera so I could start making some short films. I know it's almost impossible to become a big name film maker, but it's my dream to see my name in the credits of a movie playing in a huge theatre.
One day I hope I can make it happen.
Till then, slave to earth.
Shut your fucking mouth
I don't care what you say
You keep talking
Talking everyday
First you're telling stories
Then you're telling lies
When the fuck
Are you gonna realize...
I decided to wear my fancy coat and read 1930s detective stories.
I am also watching some Smallville today, just starting season 7.
It seems like such a waste of time to watch Smallville knowing what the end is, but I can't not watch it for some reason. Also going to start getting back into American Horror Story. I watched the first 2 episodes forever ago, and gave up on the show. It looks like its going to be very freaky and BDSM sex driven, so I'm pretty stoked for it. Haha!
What did you people do today?
Yes, you reading this.
Slept from 10:00pm - 5:00am
Back to sleep at 6:00am - 1:00pm
Now I have to go to my agency, get my last bit of money from them.
Go to the bank to cash it, and pay for my credit card bill and phone bill.
It's stupid hot outside today.
I also need to start looking for jobs, again.
I swear to god my whole life is just going to be looking for work.
I'm going to lose my girlfriend, family will think im worthless, friends won't want to house me while i try and look.
I fear everyday is going to be worse than the last.
Happiness is a pause between two moments of suffering.
Let out the psycho inside, let them hack and slash.
Let them do what you never could with your pathetic life.
