while people are partying close to midnight i spend time with the family that doesnt know me.
they all believe i've had this perfect little life and it's the farthest thing from the truth.
they drink and they have a great time as i deal with 4 screaming children.
in the midst of all the chaos i stop breathing and nobody notices.
at the stroke of midnight i cant see and my heart is pounding.
nobody notices me.
i fall to my knees and yet chilren are still screaming and adults are still laughing.
nobody notices me.
i lay on the floor until i can see and i get up in tears.
i look around and nobody notices me.
i stumble to my room and cry as i relive memories from the past.
nobody notices i'm gone.
sleep doesn't come easily and when finally i'm calm enough to sleep i have nightmares.
the part about these nightmares that scares me the most is that they are my memories.
i wake up with tears running down my face.
i pull myself together and walk outside of my room.
when asked if i had fun at the party i lie and say yes.
when asked if i slept well i lie and say yes.
they believe me only because they dont know me.
