A day filled with moose riding, beaver hunting, maple syrup shots, bacon grillin', laughing about our stable economy and political systems, drankin' our 5% alcohol beer and CC, eatin' poutine, not worrying about our livers because of our universal healthcare, partying and fireworks.
It has great features like more shine. It's also super lightweight so if I drop it, I won't hear it hit the ground.
I waited in line outside of Best Buy for 20 minutes and bought one from the back of some guy's van. It seemed legit enough, he had an Apple bumper sticker.
He also sold me 4 apps at $350 an ounce.
I also bought a protective cover for it so I can use it as a coaster for my drinks.
I need rejection lines, the ones I have don't seem to be working.
I had a guy ask if I had a boyfriend - I replied 'yes'
He asked 'for how long?'
I said '8 months.'
He remarks quickly 'pfft, only?'
I told a guy I was a lesbian at the club.
He replies 'I bet she can't f--k you like I could.'
A guy tried to hollar at me, I showed no interest and he called me a lesbian. Then asked for a my number again later that night.
My next plan of action is to fake an accent and pretend I don't speak English. But, that might backfire seeing as I live in Toronto and 80% of the residents don't speak English either.
• Accidentally partied with Lady Gaga on my 20th birthday.
• Went to a male strip club and had ‘Colorado’ swing his genitalia against me.
• Accidentally went to a drug club in Toronto. Almost happened again in Montreal.
• Did tequila shots on a train.
• Told a guy at the club I would give him a blowjob and to meet me at the bathrooms in 15 minutes. I subsequently left the club and received a message 20 minutes later saying “I’m at the bathrooms, where are you?”.
• Molested at a hotdog stand.
• Threw up at a subway station and was hit on by two black guys – Randy & Andy.
• Got three guys to take off their pants for me at the strip club.
• Tripped off the curb while wearing 4 inch heels into traffic.
• Have seen 4 random girls naked or getting naked in bathrooms/kitchens in front of me.
• Felt up silicone tittays.
• Had a man masturbate to me on the subway.
• Smoked OG Kush ($300/ounce) at a wedding.
• Did shots out of a testube placed in a stripper’s pants.
• Danced on a stripper pole – twice.
• Learned how to drive-ish.
• Was given props by a bunch of bros for hardcore making-out in a pub.
• Two car accidents, neither of which I was driving.
• Wore nothing but a black dress (commando) to a Tim Horton's at 6am.
• Had a guy tell me I reminded him of ‘that singer that died in the plane crash’
• Had a guy tell me he ‘wanted to catch my ass’ as he continued to grab it at the bar
• Had a guy place a condom on the bar and propositioned to take my virginity and I could have his.
The ceremony was lovely up until the wedding singer started her song. She cried during half of it and it was unbearable to listen or watch. The guy sitting behind me recorded it and is gonna put that shit on iTunes.
The bartenders were Jamaican -- automatically loved me. I had 5 drinks and then on the 6th, he asked to see ID. I'm pretty sure he just wanted to know my full name and address because nobody else around me was ID'd, he'd been serving me all night already and I don't look underaged! Sketchy. I assume I'll be getting some unidentified packages in the mail soon.
The bride's 18 year old brother was hitting on me all night, awkward as eff. He would stand beside me and try and grind his crotch into me and pinched my ass a few times. He called me a seductress and asked me what my favourite position was.
I was being pimped out by my friends because I was the single one of the bunch -- everyone else had a boyfriend or was married, fun times. I chilled at the open bar doing shots and getting hit on. I enjoy the move where guys grind their crotch into your ass as you stand at the bar -- keep it up, son.
This guy at my table leaned over and asked me if I wanted to smoke. He had OG Kush that was $300 an ounce. I've never smoked weed before, but it was a celebration. Our table went out back and started smoking weed. One of the staff members opened the gate and saw us and said 'I know what that smell is!'. I yelled 'We all have cancer, its medicinal..this is our help group.' He laughed and left.
I was being warned all night about this guy named 'John' that was all over me. He's a self-proclaimed Italian Stallion. His brother asked him if he was gonna hit it. Classy family. Regardless, I got those digits. Oh, sup? He texted me later and said 'Don't put that dress to waste.'
I went out to smoke cigars with the boys and one guy smoothly says 'I'm going to Bill Clinton you' as he rubbed the cigar against my chest. So sauve.
BIG DAY! It should be an interesting next few days. Partyin' and drankin'
I got an unmarked package in the mail today and thought it was drugs from that company I had the interview with the other day, it was a dress. I ordered this dress online the other day and wanted it to wear for today. It arrived today and I was excited.
Going to a wedding -- open bar, oh sup. Doesn't matter though, I'm pregaming for the wedding. I'm going to try to replicate Wedding Crashers.. if not, at least get motorboated.
Tomorrow I'm meeting @Zarlom and @MikeFightsBears for a night of debauchery. We're going to a male strip club and Mike is going to get a lap dance from a burly black man named 'Colorado'.
HQ Dailybooth. This camera was a Christmas gift that I never use.
I had a phone interview today. She called me at 10:30 and told me she was in her car driving, was running late and if I was available in an hour. I said sure -- she was late for my phone interview.
I don't remember applying for this job. The lady also 'lost' a copy of my resume that I don't remember sending.
She asked me the usual questions about work experience, school, skills, and if I knew what SEO, PPC, DP and BDSM were -- pretty standard stuff.
She asked if I live at home, I said yes. She said 'Well the salary should be fine then, at least to get by'. Sorry, what? I should have said 'I live at home, in the house I own. My parents live in my basement. I got a mortgage to pay, lady!'
Anyways, I'll hear back from them later today. I hope this job ends up being some sort of pyramid scheme operation, 100% commission and I get arrested on charges of fraud, manslaughter and public indecency. I'd throw in DUI but I can't D.
Who the eff stole my coat/hat rack? Why was it replaced by this chest of drawers? This is what happens when I'm not home on the weekend.
Today I harassed a pizza man who was about 35 minutes late with our pizza, he had to run it because the road was shut down -- I knew this and waited outside for him. He was jogging and sweating.
I made fun of a limbless street performer -- he plays piano over pre-recorded beats.
I saw a guy dressed as Batman (insta-boner) and a cowboy.
I flirted with cyclists in spandex biking shorts, I like being able to make out their naughty bits. Also, DAT ASS.
I attempted to pet a dog that probably had down syndrome. It went crazy and slid all over the floor.
I went to 7/11 for the first time. The cashier kept trying to make me buy random, shitty looking, rotating food.
I managed to get a dirty bruise on my arm. S'all good, I like it rough.
I had some dranks -- mango martinis are shamazing.
