I dont know what to do anymore.
GUYS! if a girl sent this to you, what would you think about it? would you think she was crazy?
Honestly, I’m just exhausted, to the point where I don’t even know what to say to you anymore. There's a big part of me that is dying to still have a chance with you, but I know that I have to fight that feeling and just give up. & Im gunna do my damnedest to be done with you. You cant just keep working yourself back into my life when you dont even show me that you give a fuck about me. You've never been able to see what was right infront of you, and you make my life shit because of it. And for the life of me, I can’t figure out why, that if you actually wanted me, I’d go back to you in an instant. even after how you've treated me. It really may not be a big deal to you at all, and you might completly deny that you treated me like shit, but in all honesty, you did. And I'm not just saying that because things didn't go my way, I say that because you really did take advantage of me. I poured out my heart to you, and made myself completely voulnerable to you. I told you everything I felt for you and you continued to flirt with me and wanted to hang out and you told me that that was just how you are in general, and that you flirt, and i understand that, because i am the exact same way. but when someone likes me, and I know they like me, I do not flirt with them at all because I dont want to lead them on, I don't want to give them false hope whatsoever, because I know how it feels to be lead on and let down. And I keep trying to make sense of everything. Why I’m so drawn to you, why I can’t stop thinking about you. Why I can give you so much of my time, when you can’t even reply to a text. I'm always going to be attracted to you, that's obvious, because that just doesn't go away, but why I am attracted to you totally throws me off. Especially coming from me. If you knew me, you would know that for me to be attracted to a guy, the way I am attracted to you, Is almost impossible. I am extremely picky, and usually when I am attracted to someone I pick out their flaws and convince myself to change my feelings about that particular person, but for you I can't do that. Believe me, I have tried, and for some reason I can't find one thing wrong with you. I wish I could move on. I really really do, but I can't. And I feel like even if I tried to date and hang out with other guys that it would be kind of pointless since the only thing I would be focusing on is you. It would just be so unfair to have a guy give me his heart and have me give him nothing in return. Which is kind of hypocritical because I am probably looking like an idiot chasing a guy who has kind of made it clear to me that he doesn't want any more but to be friends. But for some reason, I have doubt that that was really how you felt...Maybe you couldn't say anything because you have a girlfriend, and you don't want to skrew that up. But to have been completely honest with you, to the point where I doubt you can question my feelings towards you at all, i wish you could have given me back something. Something more than a one word answer. I gave you the truth, And I wish you could have returned it. Even if it wasn't what I wanted to hear, If you would have said something like I am just not attracted to you, or you just don't like my personality. Just something to let me know EXACTLY how you felt, instead of leaving me not knowing anything at all, I would have had so much more respect for you. I just want to understand why I am not or may never be good enough for you. It really sucks becase I just want to be happy, I don’t wanna think about you. But you won’t go away. I don’t like feeling anger towards you, it’s never what I wanted, but this seriously drives me crazy every single day. Something is keeping me holding onto nothing. And I understand that this probably makes me sound really crazy and obsessive, but I really don't care, because at the end of the day at least I know I have said everything that I possibly could have said.
