so this is what it's supposed to feel like?
and he said "my bodies a zombie for you"
(i wrote this, after we spent the first night together, and reading it takes me back every time, i hope you enjoy it.)
+ i'm breathing, your breath- so i breathe for you +
the sky was dark, the air- cold.
my body shook with every breath i took.
i laid on my back and watched the wind take the smoke away from me,
just as it has taken so much away from me before.
you laid on your side, folded over me, speaking quietly, soft words.
i watched as you spoke to me.
i watched as you fell into me.
i could feel your breath fall down on me, warming whatever skin was exposed.
today; i kept repeating the words you said, the words your lips spilled on to my skin.
i look down at myself and i can still see them crawling, coating every inch.
i pull my hands to my face and i can feel you.
almost like you left a trace here somewhere on me, in secret that i wouldn't forget you,
as if that was even an option, a choice.
it is not possible.
i can feel you around me, and it bewilders me.
i can smell you on me, and in effect i can only take deep breaths.
i keep my hands covering my face to keep you here with me.
i don't want to be alone.
i fear tomorrow because these things will leave me, in only hopes that you'll return.
you want so much for me, to give, to hold, to see everything, and to think that i just really really want to sleep.
you want to show me this world as i only ache to show you mine in return.
the good, the bad, the wonderful and horrible things caught in between.
somethings that cost money, and the more important things that we can find here, where most people would see nothing- we can find for free.
i want, i ache, i scream.
i have to show you everything.
"i have too, i have too, I HAVE TOO"- i repeat.
i close my eyes and there you are.
i can feel you, i reach out as if you are still here, in arms reach, so i reach for you, i reach for you and my hands mingle around and they fail and find nothing but jealously.
shear, and bittersweet yet justified- jealously.
jealous of the things my heart now holds, i can feel my heart cling too, so tightly and it's so warm.
i can feel it numb me, thaw me, keep me from the cold winds that are pushing at my back.
i used to only want to go with them; the winds, now i beg to stay.
the things i store inside now, they are not sharp.
they do not hurt.
i swallow my words and they find their way smoothly, settling in the depths of my once hollow heart.
i want to know you, all of you.
everything you hide and know, your dreams and aspirations. your eagerness, what moves you.
i have to know.
you say "you don't know what i'd give to be inside your head for just a few minutes erica..."
i say you go find a reflection, because from now until tomorrow until the next and the days that follow those,
looking from the inside out,
you
are
all
that
you
would
see.
