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"Treatment"

So Tuesday, I went to see my psychiatrist. She became really worried about me when I told her about my suicidal thoughts, and had me go back yesterday to see her partner, a psychologist, for a second opinion. Her partner concurred that I was depressed, and together they started me on a path to recovery.

They put me on new medicine for my ADD, called Vyvanse, and also the anti-depressant Celexa. Also, they gave me some short term goals to meet, and some ideas on how to proceed for the long-term. Some of my friends aren't pleased about the "happy pills," but at this point, I'm doing whatever it takes. Besides, I've known my psychiatrist for years, she's helped me a lot in the past, and so I trust her.

They suggested that I start back trying to find a job–an endeavor I gave up on a few months ago, after many failures–and offered to write a letter to my college asking them for clemency to drop the classes I'm failing. They also gave me advice on planning my next course of academic action, such as making sure that I have a balance of hard, easy, and interesting classes, as that's something I definitely failed at doing. I'm also gonna try to work on my planning and organizational skills in general.

I started my new prescriptions today, and I'm just gonna spend the day relaxing and not ruminating over my life. I need a break from that, and I also need to see how my body reacts to the medicine and what, if any, side effects I'll experience.

I still don't know what my immediate plan will be moving forward after this semester. I've got a lot of amends to make, and I want to be sure I get things right this time. We'll see how it goes...