I don't like smiling in pictures unless I have something worth smiling about.
Where do I begin? I went to New York yesterday with a friend. We did the Empire State Building, we did Ground Zero, we did 5th avenue, and we did lots of other lovely things! I had a fucking blast.
In other news, it looks like I'm going to end up being able to go to college for free from now on. I won't know for sure until spring, but it's looking like a done deal. All I've got to do is ace my next semester, shake lots of hands, and pretend to be an upstanding gentleman. On top of that, I'm starting a sweet job after the new year! I'LL GET TO WEAR A SUIT EVERY DAY! If you don't know me, having an opportunity to wear a suit makes my life worth living.
Sorry if I'm being a braggart, but life has been going really well for me lately. I just wanted to share my happiness. There are so many other things I want to tell you about Dailybooth, but I feel like a douche for usurping the conversation. How's your life going? Tell me all about your stock and your hip organizational structure.
My weapons of choice are a fork and knife. My enemy is all manner of edible beasts, humans included. What is best in life? To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of their women.
I'm getting ready to head out to my thanksgiving dinner. Much food and wine shall be consumed. I'll only be having a couple glasses though, as I have to drive home. I was talking to a friend of mine recently about hitting on married women. He said to me "They're the ones who took the vows. It's not your problem." How depressing is that? There's a married woman we both know who is always bitching about her husband and is always flirting with dudes. Basically, she's ready to party. The whole situation makes me sad.
Anyway, I'm driving an hour to this dinner. Both of the aforementioned people will be there. I need to make some friends that are my own age I think. I feel like older people are so fucking bitter.
Dirty pond water splashed in my mouth today! I went to another river cleanup. My goal was to get extremely dirty, and I believe I adequately accomplished that goal. Let's just say that I chopped a tree in half with a pick-axe, I picked up a big ass stump and hurled it like Jesus, and I fell waste deep in the river.
I just got out of the shower. Now I plan to go to IHOP and eat some steak tips. Tonight, well, I'm not going to say that I'm getting shitfaced, but I will say that a friend is having a birthday party, and this friend is 10 years past 21. I don't drink much, but one of my professors has challenged me to a drink-off. Dear dailybooth, are giftcards still acceptable gifts for grown folk? I don't know what kind of gift to get a woman. It's either gift card or bookshelf at this point.
Oh, have I told you how much I love college Dailybooth? As soon as I graduate I'm applying for a job as a professor.I hope you're all having a wonderful weekend!
My hair's getting long. For the last 10 years or so I've been getting free haircuts, but my barber died. I've been thinking about splurging on a cool ass haircut. Is it just me, or do women in salons rub their vaginas and breasts against you when they cut your hair?
On an unrelated note, I watched the movie Latter Days today. It really made me think about sexuality. When I start my masters dissertation one day, I think I'm going to do it on emerging sexualities and the ambiguity of what we define as gender.
Guess who had an intimate conversation with Ralph Fucking Nader Dailybooth? THIS GUY!
If you don't know who Ralph Nader is, I'd like you to know that I don't really know either. Basically, he's a politician and lifelong activist that was part of sweeping changes in automobile construction in the 70's or something. The point is, he's wealthy, wears a suit, and I spoke with him today about limiting lobbyist interference in political affairs. I'm pretty psyched about it.
I drove to the speech with three women, a twenty-six, twenty-seven, and eighteen year old. The twenty-seven year old was our leader. She's a bartender, a fucking bartender. I have a little crush on twenty-six year old, but she's happily married, and her husband is an awesome guy. The eighteen year old asked me out on a date, but I declined. Now she just rubs up against me a lot. It makes me uncomfortable. Also, she fell asleep at the speech, which made me briefly unhappy.
I'd like to compliment the young stuttering gentleman who got up in front of the crowd and asked Ralph Nader a question. It took some serious balls to stand up in front of a crowd and ask a question even though you had a speech impediment, and you're my fucking hero.
I'm a hopeless romantic, and my people are in danger of extinction.
In one of my classes we were having a discussion about what a woman should look like. I raised my hand and said that it shouldn't matter what a woman looks like, so long as she is healthy. I said that our society puts too much emphasis on this ideal that a woman should be petite. I said that everyone has a different body type, and I thought real women, women with curves, were much more attractive than the kind of girls we see in magazines. I told my class that physical appearance shouldn't matter in attractiveness and that intelligence was the most attractive quality for me.
Two people raised their hands then, a girl and a guy. The guy called me an idiot and said that women should be skinny. The girl said that I was sweet but unrealistic. She said physical appearance is just as important as everything else.
Disheartened, I asked two of my younger cousins, who are eleven and eight, whether they would choose love or money. Both said money.
I do believe two souls can be made for each other. I've spent the majority of my life railing against the results of religion, but love is one of those things that makes me wonder about God. It's something worth fighting for, worth sacrificing everything you have. Fuck practicality.
Hello Dailybooth. QUESTION OF THE DAY: What does my face say?
I will now update you with moments of my life, as I've just arrived home, and I would like to share.
I lost that 10 lbs, and I shaved my face insanely close.
I have pneumonia.
Instead of resting, I chose to go out tonight. I wore my Disney tie too. I think the Disney tie is the perfect solution for semi-formal dating wear.
Before I went out, I was inducted into a national honors society, which is another reason for the semi-formal attire. I'm the president of my chapter, and I got to meet presidents from past years. They're all women who are currently pregnant / recovering from pregnancy. I'm deadly serious. Is this a sign? Am I going to get knocked up soon?
My new best friend is a 39 year old woman who teaches at the college. She's a slender blonde, and she is angry. I'm not sure what she's angry about, but I assume it has something to do with having a husband, who is also angry, and having kids. Anyway, she offered me some booze before the induction ceremony started. I accepted. She's definitely a borderline alchie, but I think that's fucking awesome. We're friends because she's a massive shit-talker.
One of my classes was canceled today. I sat in the classroom with a friend and talked for an hour and a half about life. I asked her how she met her husband, and she told me a story about how she secretly stalked him and orchestrated his interest in her. I love creepy women! Her husband is a soft-spoken bearded man of impeccable class and splendor. He and I are complete opposites. Sidenote: Our discussion was interrupted on occasion by my dying lungs trying to jump off a cliff.
I'm going to see Ralph Fucking Nader speak next Wednesday. In fact, all the cool people in my women studies class are going. We're carpooling.
tl ; dr --I have the sickness papa. Am I gonna make it? Will I ever see mama and sissy again? (Scene--In a tent within the Alaskian wilderness, tiny Mark rests on a cot. His father took him on a hunting trip, and Mark contracted the lung death. It's 1937.)
This is my shoe. His name is Shoe. Wtf else would he be named? My shoe and I have been through a lot together, but his life is coming to an end. His kidneys are failing. He's on dialysis. When I run, bike, dip, duck, dodge with him, he winces in pain. In shoe years Shoe is 85 years old. I'm going to keep wearing him for my exercising. I'm going to try and keep him alive as long as I can, but Shoe is just getting old, and sometimes old things just have to die.
Keep plugging along Shoe. I believe in you. PS: Your twin is in much better shape. Don't let that douche outlive you!
More importantly, I just noticed I always lean to the same side when I take a picture. Creepy
ANYWAY, I watched Scott Pilgrim... today. Really cool movie.
I have a large chin. Today was pretty nice for me Dailybooth. I slept most of the day. This smile here... is... well... this is my polite happiness smile. This is the smile I make when something unexpected occurs, and I smile because I'm uncomfortable but also surprisingly pleased. This smile is for @Slave --On an unrelated note, Mexi-stash activated.
Today is Clean Bread and Cheese Creek Cleanup Dayyyyyyyyy!!! I'm getting ready to go and do some volunteer work. I'm jumping into a creek and getting all sorts of trash, shopping carts, and baby diapers out of it! Hurraayyyy! It's like 60 degrees outside. They're going to feed us lunch, which I am excited about. I have requested large quantities of peanut butter and jelly. Have a great day Booth!
