fuck mornings. i need to get used to waking up early and going to school. also have to figure out a good spot to do drugs at school. so much to do so much to do
feel empty and lonely, sometimes like I don’t exist at all, and saying my name feels like a lie because I know there’s nothing inside. I play roles, try to be who I’m “supposed” to be, and I’m good at being anyone but me. I fill in the space with what’s appropriate—my dreams to be a writer, to find a polar opposite who can accept and aid me as i would to him, and value my one friend and one parent but... it’s all based on the situation. I want to feel something, anything other than nothing. I go from okay to suicidal in an instant and don’t even know why.
But one thing is constant:
a sense of worthlessness that spills over into a desperate need for self-destruction.
I am the 90% that do not make it. Pfft. whatevez.